Half Price Restaurant Closed by D.C. Health Inspectors GEORGE TOWN WASHINGTON DC – When hungry diners showed up at “Bobs Food Trough” restaurant today expecting to gorge on his infamous half price buffet, they found instead that the front doors had been pad locked and a sign hanging in the …
Decent Burials Inc. Last Rights for the Rest of Us BUDGET INTERNMENT PACKAGES Economy Package Card board box, city dump incinerator. $ 19.99 Open Pit Bar B Q Hole is dug according to county specifications. We toss in your beloved with 10 gallons of gas and you have an Urban …
Army Attack Helicopters Level George Town Water Front By: Hunter Thomas WASHINGTON DC - U.S. Army helicopters yesterday conducted what was termed a pre-emptive strike against the George Town Water Front. According to a source inside the Pentagon, Spec 4 Samual Simmons was in command of 6 choppers conducting a routine patrol …
dc Lampoon offers cheap, cost-effective ways to get rid of bed bugs! From what we hear, there are a lot of people out there dealing with the problem of bed bugs. Last week we here at the Lampoon heard a heart breaking story about a 400 pound truck driver who was …
Taking a Holiday Dump! By: Hunter Thomas With a planet that is covered with 70% water, our fearless leaders on Capitol Hill decided a while back to force upon us the innovation of the “low flush toilet” to conserve water consumption. Go figure being that the privileged hairy pimply asses on …
Learning How to Lobby on Capitol Hill By Hunter Thomas Congratulations! Your fresh out of college, and you have decided to embark on a career as a Capitol Hill lobbyist. One of many things that you must always keep forefront in your mind is that you are joining the ranks …
Special Report Homeland Security Preparedness Programs Involve Some Really Freaky Shit. HOMELAND SECURITY SECRET REPORT TOP SECRET The following is a speculative scenario intended to equip high level policymakers and planners with a sampling of potential circumstances with which any “game plan” for dealing with catastrophes due to unexpected international …
Thanksgiving and Christmas Surprise! By CAZ MIDDLEBERG VA. -Before you walk down that freezer isle for your weekly shop, take heed. The turkey may be lean. It may be fashionable for this time of year. You may even want it for some weird Pilgrim-meets-Indian ritual feast later on in the month. …
Porta Potty Cleaner Careers you can be proud of My name is John Miller and I’m proud to say, that I am a porta potty engineer. Now I know that most of you are thinking, how in the hell can any one do that stinking to the high heaven job. …
Reporter rushed to hospital in shock. By Hunter Thomas WASHINGTON DC -House Speaker John Boehner told reporters today that he was painfully aware of the suffering that was going on inAmerica but that he could not vote for the jobs bill because it would “piss off his corporate donors.” Reporters, shocked at the truthfulness …
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